Fear is a road
to your heart.
My Hatha yoga teacher training is coming to an end. We are three weeks away from our last class. Yesterday for me was a milestone. I taught my yoga class as part of my final practicum. My goal for the class wasn't to be perfect. My goal was to show up and to show up fully. I wanted to give my class not just a yoga class but an experience, as so many of my teachers have done for me along my path.
The evening before my class, I felt the shutter of fear creeping in. I could feel the energy settling in my stomach and then rising to my heart. This is the moment that so many times in my life has brought me to a complete stop. I would feel fear and then run like the wind in the opposite direction. I've had more than my fair share of missed opportunities because of it. But my perception has changed over the course of the last two years that enabled me in this moment and so many others, to realize that fear is the beginning of a break through.
My Hatha teacher said something in one of our first classes about her past struggles with panic attacks. And how she realized while in the middle of an attack, that it is just energy that needs to rise up and be released. That lesson resonated with me and has stuck with me since then. I had an experience during meditation a while back that created a rush of energy that was so strong in my body, as I was sitting in complete stillness my pulse was racing so quickly and forcefully, I could feel it in my ears. I felt this incredible rising up of energy and then a release at the end. My life shifted at that very moment and has never been the same.
That anymore is how I view fear. Fear is just part of the process of following our heart. Following what it is we are being called to do. It is a new experience for us and a lot of times out of our comfort zone, so why wouldn't we feel an energetic reaction to that?
Yesterday I started repeating affirmations like, the Universe knows I am capable, therefore I am capable. I surrender to the process. My morning meditations have been dedicated to surrender. I've been practicing the Kundalini Tratakum meditation with my morning sadhana for the last 30 days or so. For those of you not familiar with this meditation, you sit and stare into the lights of the eyes of Yogi Bhajan. One of the most, if not the most powerful meditations I have practiced to date. His grace is with me everyday and his teachings have brought me back to life. So in times of surrender or uncertainty, I turn to him. And he never fails to help me find the strength within to fear not and move forward.
I had visions of what my yoga practicum would be for months. So to finally bring those visions to life was pure magic for me. One of my favorite Yogi Bhajan sayings is, "If you want to learn something, read about it. If you want to understand something, write about it. If you want to Master something, teach it." I have read that quote over and over again for the past year. For some reason just recently I realized that has been the path back to my heart. Two years ago I began reading books from spiritual leaders and could not read fast enough. I then was called to start writing. And now, my journey with teaching has just begun. What a beautiful realization to come to.
As I stepped onto my mat for my practicum, I felt completely calm. As I was talking about the intention at the beginning of the practice, I was doing just what I was teaching. I was letting go. I was surrendering to that moment in my life. I didn't try to rush. I remained present by taking snap shot moments in my mind as often as I could. But most of all, I showed up and I showed up fully, just as I intended to do.
Teaching yoga is still very new to me. I am so grateful to all of my teachers for what I have learned and will continue to learn on this path. It is about sharing what we have learned both on and off of our mats. And rather creating a synchronicity between the two. So our yoga mat, actually becomes our walk of life.
How have you moved through fear in your life? Share with us, we would love to hear from you!
As always with love,
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