Monday, June 1, 2015

Breath of Life, Breath of God



As I awake, I see the Sky, as my ever expanding mind.
As I awake, I see the Sun, as the light of my own heart.
As I awake, I see the Universe, as my intricately woven body.
As I awake, I see myself, in the mirror of my Divine.
As I awake, I realize, I am no longer dreaming.
As I awake, I realize the greatest gift of all,
To be alive.
-Jennifer-

I recently taught a Kundalini yoga workshop on the 7 Steps to Happiness as Taught by Yogi Bhajan.  During the sixth class, I talked about how our life is a gift (and I believe this to the core of my being) and that the world is waiting for all of us to share the gift of ourselves.  So I begged the question, “If the world is waiting on us to share our gifts, what exactly are we waiting for?”  This is a question I’ve asked myself in more recent times when I become fearful and start to hold back or resist the flow of life and its calling.  It is the notion that helps me push through most obstacles that come my way.  I had no idea as I taught this class, that it was actually preparing me for one of the biggest life shifts I have ever experienced.  

In the coming weeks, I was told that my grandma was not doing well.  That she was not responding and that her passing could be anytime.  So the following day I went to see her.  I didn’t know what to expect when I walked into the nursing home.  I was pleasantly surprised when I asked where I could find her and the nurse pointed to my left and there was grandma raising a ruckus in the commons area. 

I walked over to her.  She looked so different from the last time I had seen her.  She was in a special chair, unable to lift her own body and was very confused.  I knelt down beside her and said, “Hi grandma! Do you know who I am?  It’s Jenni!”  She paused and looked very closely at me and said, “My Jen?”  I smiled and shook my head yes and told her that I came to see her and spend some time with her.  We talked and she was in and out, sometimes making perfect sense and other times not making any sense at all.  I stayed and sat with her until the nurses were ready to take her back to her room.  Grandma looked at me and said, “Now I want you to get on the road before it gets dark so I know you’ll get home safe.”  I gave her a kiss and hug and felt really good about the visit.  I told my dad that she isn’t going anywhere.  I jokingly said, she is going to live forever!

That all changed a few weeks later over Mother’s day weekend.  I went to see her that Friday night with my parents.  She would respond to my dad only if he talked really loudly in her ear.  But it was just a nod of the head or a mumbled sound.   We came back on Mother’s day and my dad said prayers over her with her rosary.  This was a side of my dad I had never seen before.  I’ve seen him cry only a few times in my life.  I don’t like to cry in front of anyone.  But I just couldn’t hold back my tears.  I knew grandma wanted to go and I wanted her to be with my grandpa who has been gone for almost 30 years.  She had been waiting for a long time.  It was hard knowing that time would soon be here.  I looked at my mom and said, “I noticed I have no patients scheduled [at work for the following week] on Thursday.  I think there is a reason for that. “

I went to work on Monday and felt like I was in a fog.  By Tuesday I was so emotional I didn’t know how I would keep it together.  I couldn’t stop crying as hard as I tried. Then there was a point to where I didn’t want to hold back the tears.  I was losing someone very special to me.  So I just allowed myself to cry no matter who it was in front of.  But the days went on and there was minimal change.  Grandma was still holding on.

Tuesday was spent with a lot of my family together in grandma's room. Family I hadn’t seen and talked to in a very long time.  I had a very special talk with my aunt that I will hold close to me forever. Grandma was stable so we all went to dinner.  It was so nice to be together.  There was a point when we were all in the room and then again as we were all sitting at dinner that it hit me how incredible family really is. Family has always been important to me but this was different. I heard stories from my dad, aunts and uncle about what they remember growing up with my grandparents.  And I realized at that point that if it wasn’t for my grandparents, that none of us would be here.  I said to myself, look at what they created.  This is incredible!

Wednesday, still no change.  The remarkable thing is grandma at this point had nothing to eat or drink for over a week.  Then Thursday came.  For me something felt very different when I woke up that day.  I felt very restless and uneasy.  I don’t know if it was because the Sunday before I had mentioned Thursday to my mom and that day was finally here, but something was different.  My youngest brother was coming through town for the night before his annual golf outing with friends.  I asked myself, could grandma be waiting for all of us to be together, and I mean, all of us?

I talked to my cousin Thursday morning and she said, “She’s different.  Her breathing is really fast but it’s different.”  Then I talked to the nursing home and was told she was declining and that it would be today.  When I walked into the room I knew that it would be anytime.  I contacted my mom and simply said, you guys need to get here. 

One by one all of my family began to arrive to grandma’s room. We all were sitting around her bed, waiting and waiting.  My family prayed around her and in her final moments we all became still.  We all had told her at some point it was ok to go.  But she kept hanging on.  My aunt was the last to arrive after making the drive up late that night.  It was just moments after my aunt arrived that I saw massive changes in grandma.  I have seen this many times working as a hospice nurse but never with my own family. I felt an incredible peace.  Each breath became less and less.  And then she took her last breath.  I was holding her hand watching it all.  I saw the breath of life leave her.  I saw the breath of life for the first time as the breath of God.  Everything made sense.  She was at great peace and so was I.

Throughout this process after hearing story after story of grandma’s life, I realized that this was a woman of great strength.  This was a woman who lived one of the most faith filled lives I’ve ever witnessed and that I have the great honor of being able to call her my grandma.

Grandma and I had many talks over the last few years.  She was always worried about me not being Catholic or tied to any religion.  In one of our final great talks I told her that I was ok.  I didn’t have a religion but that I have a daily practice with yoga and meditation that keeps me centered.  I knew she was trying hard to understand what that meant but I also knew she didn’t quite get it. So the morning after she passed, I woke to do my morning sadhana.  As I sat in front of my altar I tuned in and then I said to grandma, “This is my love.  This is my way to God.”  I continued with my practice that morning.  At the end I felt this incredible peace and need to be very still.  As I was sitting in silence her voice said very loudly and very clear, “Wow!  I had no idea this is what you’ve been doing.”  I started laughing because of the exuberant joy in her voice. I felt her joy as she said those words as if it was my own joy.  Not only did I realize in that moment that she understood what my practice was, her voice allowed me to hear that she was free from the bindings of her own body.  She was no longer chained down to the pain she experienced on this Earth.  She sounded so free, so liberated and so full of joy.  She then said, “I will be with you from here on out.”  And I have felt her strength and her love with me ever since.

I can honestly say I’ve never felt a love like this. Grandma has given me one of the greatest gifts in this life.  She has expanded my ability to love in ways that I never knew possible.  It was almost strange to me in the beginning that a death could help me to understand the depths of love. But what I came to understand more deeply is the extraordinary gift that is this life.  Our soul has been given this opportunity to remember God’s grace through each experience of life.  No matter how much we’ve forgotten or how far away we’ve gone from love, each experience can be an awakening.  Each experience a teacher.  Sometimes we need to experience death in order to understand how it is to truly live. Sometimes we need to step into the darkness in order to understand what it is to be the light.  Sometimes we need to reach the depths of sadness in order to understand the heights of happiness and even more so joy. And that all of life matters in ways that only God knows.  But if our hearts are open, we can experience great awakenings on this Earth that will bring us directly to the knowing of our Source.

I thought it so appropriate to open this article with the opening passage of my upcoming book in honor of the awakening I’ve experienced through my grandma’s last days here on Earth.  It is a passage I wrote very early on for Spirit Launcher that allowed me to understand that writing for me is a direct connection to my Divine.  What I’ve been given is the opportunity to experience.  One of my favorite quotes from Yogi Bhajan is, “Knowledge is understanding. Knowledge with experience becomes wisdom.”

At the time that my grandma took her last breath, I thought about all of the breaths we take in this life time.  Our first breath represents birth, the unknown and all of the possibilities of this new life. Our last breath represents the legacy of every breath in between. Each breath is each memory is each moment.  And that we are the sacredness of each breath and of each beating heart.  And while this breath for me, this memory, this moment isn’t my last, I am awake enough to know that the breath of life, the breath of God is definitely one in between. 


As always with love,

Jennifer 


©2015 Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

The Hands That Hold


Happy Mother's Day to all!  Whether you are a mother, soon to be mother or hopeful mother, today is a celebration of the magnificence of motherhood. I come from a long line of magnificent mothers. So I wanted to write a tribute to my own mom and grandmother who have been steady examples of unconditional love, perseverance, strength, patience and wisdom.  They are my rock and my best friends.  To all mothers, we honor you today.



The Hands That Hold

From your first breath, 
to your first step.
She has been the hands that hold you.

Both near and far,
in lightness and in dark.
She has been the hands that hold you.

The loving guide,
throughout your entire life.
She has been the hands that hold you.

The grace inside of your beating heart.
Her love is written in the stars.
She will forever be,
the hands that hold you.



As always with love,
Jennifer

Follow me on Twitter @jfremion
Email me at jfremionfw@gmail.com



©2014 Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.



Monday, April 28, 2014

A Million Years



Dreams are our vision board
to life.

-Jennifer-


Today marks the one year anniversary for Spirit Launcher.  It's hard to believe one year has already gone by.  It seems like just yesterday, I posted my first article.  When I began this blog I had no idea really what it was going to mean for my life.  All I knew was the deepest part of myself was telling me that I had to write and that I had to write now.  

I have met so many incredibly inspirational people through doing interviews.  Their stories inspired me and so many others to remain steadfast in this journey called life.  But even more so, Spirit Launcher has been one of my guides back to myself.  These articles were not planned out for days, weeks or months.  In the beginning I was writing daily articles.  The words were spilling out of me.  This has been not only my way of documenting my journey, but it has been lesson upon lesson through written word.

I have always said, I am merely the person sitting behind the computer typing.  I used to say I don't know where all of this is coming from, when I would talk about my writing.  Through this process I realized, it is coming from the most divine place, my heart. This is such a reminder that we all have our roles to play.  We all have our parts.  And we must, step up to that challenge, no matter what.  We must always show up.

Although this all seems like yesterday, so much has happened in the last year.  When I first began my intentional spiritual journey, I would receive messages while in meditation.  So what has happened in the last year is, all of these messages have come true.  I was told to start writing, now I am a writer.  I was told to start teaching yoga, now I am teaching yoga.  I was told to start lecturing on my writing, now I am preparing for my lectures.  In the beginning I thought it was so strange to receive messages during meditation.  I thought to myself, could this all be real?  So I surrendered to the process.  And yes, it is all more than real.

When I left my marriage almost four years ago, I thought that I would work as a nurse, remarry and possibly start a family.  Never in a million years could I have imagined I was setting myself out on this great big adventure.  My life has transformed to the creative, abundant bliss that is intended for all of us.  One of my biggest heroes Joseph Campbell would always say, "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."  It took me a long time to get here, but I am honored to be living this life that I have been granted. 

We are the gift, through and through.  All of our darkness, all of our light, that is our given path.  As I've written in another text, shadows will fade, light can only be hidden.  I have come out of the shadows.  I have remained the glue when all seemed to be broken.  And I have won the fight.  My teacher Gabby Bernstein says so beautifully, "The moment we get out of our own way, miracles happen."  And she is absolutely right.  

I look around all day and everyday seeing and believing in miracles, because I have lived out so many already.  It doesn't matter how disconnected we become from our own hearts.  There is always a way back home.  There is a path of discovery for everyone that will lead us right back to our own hearts.  That divine spark within us all.  This path isn't just for "the lucky ones".  We all have our fortunes. Life is happening right now, in this moment. So start living it to its fullest.  

One of my favorite articles from Spirit Launcher is called "The Wisdom of Our Heart".  It was one of the first articles I posted for this site.  In it I wrote,"This blog is what my book has become, a launching pad for my heart.  To share everyday lessons about life, living and giving. If we are hurting, reach our heart out to someone who is hurting.  If we are joyful, reach our heart out to someone who needs joy.  If we are loving, reach our heart out to someone who needs love.  Through the wisdom of our own hearts, the chain of love cannot be broken. If there are no holes, no one can fall through the cracks. If we are whole, we are together in the strength of a nation that can change the entire world."  Almost one year later, I still mean that from the bottom of my heart.

I catch myself saying all of the time, life just doesn't get any better than this.  And then it does.  Our dreams are our vision boards to life. We are given dreams.  We are then given countless opportunities to do something with them.  They are there for a reason.  We are not meant to wake up from dreams.  We are meant to live out our dreams.  They are our contributions to this world, this life, and this love that eternally connects us all. We are bliss, we are beauty, we are soul, we are love.  We are all pieces of this great big puzzle called life.  Through following our dreams, we find our perfectly placed part.

Thank you to all of my teachers for your love and support through this journey.  Life is good and it just keeps getting better.  I am thankful for today and passionately optimistic for tomorrow. Now is the time to be seen and heard.  Let life be your puzzle piece.  Your piece to the great big whole.



Sat Nam


As always with love,
Jennifer

Follow me on Twitter @jfremion
Email me at jfremionfw@gmail.com


©2014 Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.





Monday, April 7, 2014

Divine Whispers



The passage below came to me after reading The Bhagavad Gita for my yoga teacher training course.  The message of this sacred text moved me passage by passage.  It is truth in sweetness and strength.  It is courage and bravery leading us back to our own hidden power.  It is the essence of the journey of life.

Writing this passage word by word was a reminder that we are Divine representation, no matter how we look at it. No matter what or who we have faith in that is larger than ourselves, we are the representation here on Earth. We were born with purpose. We come bearing a great message. With every breath taken, every word spoken, and every thought thought, always remember that.  To think before we speak. To think before we act.  And to even think before we think.  Not only are we Divine representation, we are in fact co-creators in this Divine dance called life. We are an expression of God or that force that is greater than ourselves.  We are the spark that is ignited by the eternal flame.


Divine Whispers
By Jennifer Fremion


God is the only one who ever sees.
He is in your eyes, my eyes,
He is the eyes to the world in which we see.

God is the only one who ever breathes.
He is in your breath, my breath,
He is the very air in which we breathe.

God is the only one who ever speaks.
He is in your words, my words,
Our words, are his Divine whispers
coming to be.

God is the love inside of our very being.
He is in your heart, my heart,
He is the heart of everything.

God is the hands that plants all seeds.
To create heaven on Earth.
All we ever are to be.


May you feel the love and light
always.



As always with love,

Jennifer

Follow me on Twitter @jfremion
Email me at jfremionfw@gmail.com



©2014 Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.


Monday, March 3, 2014

Fear Not


Fear is a road 
to your heart.

-Jennifer-



My Hatha yoga teacher training is coming to an end.  We are three weeks away from our last class. Yesterday for me was a milestone.  I taught my yoga class as part of my final practicum.  My goal for the class wasn't to be perfect.  My goal was to show up and to show up fully.  I wanted to give my class not just a yoga class but an experience, as so many of my teachers have done for me along my path.

The evening before my class, I felt the shutter of fear creeping in.  I could feel the energy settling in my stomach and then rising to my heart.  This is the moment that so many times in my life has brought me to a complete stop. I would feel fear and then run like the wind in the opposite direction.  I've had more than my fair share of missed opportunities because of it.  But my perception has changed over the course of the last two years that enabled me in this moment and so many others, to realize that fear is the beginning of a break through.  

My Hatha teacher said something in one of our first classes about her past struggles with panic attacks. And how she realized while in the middle of an attack, that it is just energy that needs to rise up and be released. That lesson resonated with me and has stuck with me since then.  I had an experience during meditation a while back that created a rush of energy that was so strong in my body, as I was sitting in complete stillness my pulse was racing so quickly and forcefully, I could feel it in my ears.  I felt this incredible rising up of energy and then a release at the end. My life shifted at that very moment and has never been the same.

That anymore is how I view fear.  Fear is just part of the process of following our heart.  Following what it is we are being called to do.  It is a new experience for us and a lot of times out of our comfort zone, so why wouldn't we feel an energetic reaction to that?

Yesterday I started repeating affirmations like, the Universe knows I am capable, therefore I am capable.  I surrender to the process. My morning meditations have been dedicated to surrender.  I've been practicing the Kundalini Tratakum meditation with my morning sadhana for the last 30 days or so.  For those of you not familiar with this meditation, you sit and stare into the lights of the eyes of Yogi Bhajan.  One of the most, if not the most powerful meditations I have practiced to date.  His grace is with me everyday and his teachings have brought me back to life.  So in times of surrender or uncertainty, I turn to him. And he never fails to help me find the strength within to fear not and move forward.

I had visions of what my yoga practicum would be for months.  So to finally bring those visions to life was pure magic for me.  One of my favorite Yogi Bhajan sayings is, "If you want to learn something, read about it.  If you want to understand something, write about it.  If you want to Master something, teach it."  I have read that quote over and over again for the past year. For some reason just recently I realized that has been the path back to my heart. Two years ago I began reading books from spiritual leaders and could not read fast enough. I then was called to start writing. And now, my journey with teaching has just begun. What a beautiful realization to come to.

As I stepped onto my mat for my practicum, I felt completely calm.  As I was talking about the intention at the beginning of the practice, I was doing just what I was teaching.  I was letting go.  I was surrendering to that moment in my life.  I didn't try to rush.  I remained present by taking snap shot moments in my mind as often as I could.  But most of all, I showed up and I showed up fully, just as I intended to do.

Teaching yoga is still very new to me. I am so grateful to all of my teachers for what I have learned and will continue to learn on this path. It is about sharing what we have learned both on and off of our mats. And rather creating a synchronicity between the two.  So our yoga mat, actually becomes our walk of life.

How have you moved through fear in your life? Share with us, we would love to hear from you!

As always with love,

Jennifer

Email me at jfremionfw@gmail.com
Follow me on Twitter @jfremion



©2014 Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.













Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Make It Happen



Living life fully, 
is giving it all that you've got.

-Jennifer-


I must say, even though we are just seven days into 2014, it is by far my most favorite year yet.  The beginning of this new year has been so special to me.  It has been the first new year that I have really and truly been able to embrace fully this new life.  

I had plans to celebrate New Year's in Chicago and the day before we were to leave the plans fell through. I had a feeling this was going to happen. As the plans unfolded, details started to not work out one by one. When the final detail fell through I realized that Chicago was not where I was to be.  That there was a bigger and better plan in store.  I had friends asking me to join them, but I was being called to do something else.

This New Year's was to be my time to set a firm, unwavering intention for the year ahead.  And that was precisely what I did. On New Year's Eve before I went to bed, I wrote down my intention for the year on an index card, lit a candle, and went into deep meditation.  The experience is something I will never forget. There was a rush of energy consuming me.  And when I came out of the meditation, something had shifted.

On New Year's day, I was able to join my yoga instructor and a very crowded room of people for a Sankulpa practice.  It was the perfect companion to my meditation practice the night before.  I wasn't really sure what to expect from this practice.  My instructor explained the word Sankulpa, broken down, San means "with" and kulpa means "Divine". I then realized I was connecting with my Divine through this practice and at that point, there was no place else I would have rather been.

One of the things that I loved the most about this experience is that my instructor set the new year off by giving an offering.  This was a donation only based class. There was no set fee. She was giving the Sankulpa practice freely, and allowing us to start off the year giving freely by making a donation. All donations went to her foundation for people dealing with cancer and chronic pain.  What an amazing feeling to be involved in a community of giving.

At the end of the practice we all went around the room and shared our intention in order to stamp it into the Universe.  The intention that I set for this year is to fulfill my dreams, my purpose.  What the Universe has unraveled for me so far has been incredible.  I wanted nothing more than to embrace what I have been sent to do in this life.  And for the first time I am actually making it happen.  For the first time there is nothing and no one that can stop me in my tracks.

I look around at my support system today and realize that I am my biggest cheerleader.  Although I have wonderful support from others, I am the one that holds myself accountable for the authentic life that I wish to live.  I feel Divinely led in everything that I do.  One of my favorite things on my vision board is a quote that says, "Rise then shine".  Over the last few years that has been my biggest accomplishment.

So this year I will be unwavering in my journey to fulfill my purpose. All of the tools that I have learned to create a miraculous life have become my way of life.  I will heed each call and be wide awake to take in the lessons that come my way.  I will continue to live a life of knowing, growing and surrender. I don't need to force any of it.  I will bow to each blessing in gratitude and stillness.  And with eyes wide open, see the unfolding of my life's call each step of the way.

What intention did you set for the new year? How will you make it happen?  Share with us, we would love to hear from you!

As always with love,

Jennifer

Follow me on Twitter @jfremion
Email me at jfremionfw@gmail.com


©2014 Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.



Monday, December 30, 2013

The End And The Beginning



To the end of one year
and the beginning of the next.
Lead with a louder heart beat,
brighter intentions and bigger dreams
than ever before.

-Jennifer-


As we approach the end of this year and move forward into the next, I can't help but look back at all of the daily miracles that have occurred in my life.  This past year has been the beginning of many new things in my life, as well as a continuation and deepening of all of the things I have learned to be so grateful for.  I've been able to witness my own growth, breath by breath, moment by moment and day by day.  I've learned to let go and welcome all that is to come.  

Looking back at how far I have come in just a few years takes my breath away.  The struggle and fight that once was daily life for me, has now cleared the path for my fulfilled purpose. What and who surrounds me now is night and day to my surroundings just a couple of years ago.  The last year I have grown to understand and develop the tool of manifesting.  The art of manifesting the life that I knew was mine to be had.  I just needed to have an understanding of how to get there.

I made my first vision board a few weeks ago.  It is the summation of everything that I already have in my life and want to strengthen and also the things that I desire to have that haven't quite arrived yet.  I begin each day with looking at all of the pictures and I end my day the same way.  I am reminded of how grateful I am for all of my teachers in this life and all of the blessings that each day brings.

I am grateful for what I already have, but also for all of the changes that are yet to come.  This next year for me is full of new and out of my comfort zone kind of things. As I have realized, stepping out of my comfort zone is what opens my heart more and more and allows supreme gifts into the present moment.  Although I am still in my Hatha yoga teacher training until March, in just a few weeks, I will be traveling a distance and leaving the comforts of my own home to venture out for an additional eight month teacher training.  This practice in particular is my calling.  It is my breath of life. It is the very practice that called me to be a teacher. It is the practice that led me back to my Self and to my destiny.  

I can't even begin to imagine all of the wonderful blessings that are to come within this next year.  I do know that they all will be welcomed with open arms. And I can measure what is to come by those blessings that have already shown themselves. The end of this year is very different from last year. Although last year had its own sparkle, this past year has been so much more brilliant, vibrant and alive. Probably because that is the exact feeling I have each and every single day.

Thank you for allowing me to share my journey with you.  Spirit Launcher has been a record of my story and growth through time and the process of my practice. When this journey for me started a couple of years ago I was given three messages during three consecutive meditation practices.  The first message was, to "be alive in life", the second, "you will heal many" and the third, to "start writing".  The moment I began to write, all of these messages became my way of life.  I cannot thank you all enough for your kind words and support.

For this next year I will dare to dream bigger and dare to dare bigger.  I will continue my journey for more of the truest of love, the stillness of peace, the divine connection to everything and everyone, and even more so the deeper findings of myself.  And to remember each step of the way, the bigger the gamble the greater the reward, the longer the wait, the bigger the love and to never forget the sacred space we hold within our own hearts and our promise of purpose to share that sacred space with each other.

What has this past year brought up for you?  Share with us, we would love to hear from you!

Have a safe, blessed, healthy and happy new year Spirit Launchers!  I can't wait to share our new year's experiences together!

As always with love,

Jennifer

Follow me on Twitter @jfremion

Email me at jfremionfw@gmail.com


©2013 Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.