Tuesday, October 15, 2013

A Brave Face

Once the mask of bravery is shed,
We can begin the real work.
We can get to the heart of what really matters.


We enter into each new moment of our lives with a sense of bravery.  It is in our most honest moments, that we can put all masks aside, let all barriers crumble to the ground, and let our original Self shine.  We have different roles with different people in our lives.  I've learned that in the moments that I shine within my own light, whether expressing it through words, my energy and efforts or my internal dialogue, everything that I do is better if I stay true to my Self.

Spirit Launcher was a huge venture for me.  I was told in meditation to "start writing".  So I began writing my first book.  But that just wasn't enough.  I felt the biggest force within me telling me to get my writing out now. Not to wait until my book was complete.  This has been such a shift for me in everything that I do.  I didn't know where Spirit Launcher would lead me.  I just knew I had to do it.  This has been a test of my own vulnerability and faith.  The message I had to send was more important than what any critic may have to say about the work.  And as professor Brene Brown states so candidly in her lectures on her own experience with critics and vulnerability, "If you're not out in the arena getting your butt kicked everyday, I don't want to hear what you have to say."  In other words, if you're not brave enough to put your heart on the line and go where it's leading you to go, you really don't have a valid opinion about anyone who is out there actually doing it.  When we are in our own creative force, we support and love others.  And through love, we forget how to judge.  You can always sense where critical people are in their own lives.  And it's usually not where they want to be at all.

Since I've started Spirit Launcher and putting my heart on the line with every article, I've had perfect strangers contact me about the material and I've had new and old relationships shift.  Most have been extremely positive.  There have been a few people who are visibly uncomfortable with me being honest.  With me putting my heart out there about where I've been and where I am now.  The heart of the matter is where I live everyday.  It influences every thought and every action.  Yet for some, the heart of the matter is the scariest place of all.  Somewhere along the lines, some people have convinced themselves that going through life pretending everything is "perfect" is what we are supposed to do. I have found from personally living that way most of my life, that living like that, we are living away from the truth. That we in fact aren't really living at all.

I've had more people reach out to me in hard times and confusing times. They are looking for the answers to life.  My advise to them always is, to be patient, stay open and the answers will come to you. It's a daily practice and most of all, how bad do you really want it?  How much are you willing to work for it? For me, in my journey, I am going to be all in.

You don't have to have all of the answers.  Life will reveal everything you need to know in perfect time.  But when you are desperate for anything, you can begin to look for the answers in all the wrong places. Sometimes though, that is a necessary part of the journey.  Although I know that is where someone is headed, until they are ready to see that for themselves, they will do it no matter what.

I know when I got out of my divorce and the failed relationships that followed, I had hit the wall enough to know I couldn't do it anymore.  I knew what I wanted in life. Yet, I felt the answers were being revealed to me, from within.  I had been making the mistake of thinking I could go outside of myself to find what it was I was looking for.  It was a strange yet familiar concept of being guided internally in my decision making. It was the very factor I had been ignoring my entire adult life, so I figured maybe that is where all of the answers lie.  And sure enough, it is.

This article was influenced by a client that I saw recently.  We've been talking very much in depth over the last couple of years about her divorce.  When I heard she immediately entered into another relationship I cringed.  But I knew this was part of her process.  I know the importance of figuring out what went wrong in one relationship before entering into another. The importance of taking the time to figure out how we got in the first relationship, why it didn't work for us, and what all we gained and potentially lost along the way.  And I learned those lessons from entering into another relationship shortly after my own divorce. We learn from living.  As difficult as that can be sometimes, it is just that simple.

So about two years out, this client's second relationship has ended.  Now she is at a major cross roads.  She is still grieving and in the confusion of her marriage that is just now getting finalized.  And the new relationship, her crutch, is no longer there for her to lean on. She is standing on her own for the first time. And I could feel how terrified she was in doing that.  I see her looking for answers.  But I do see her in the process of looking for the answers everywhere outside of herself.  

Now don't get me wrong, we have messengers in life bringing us lessons all along the way.  If we aren't able and willing to listen to what our hearts are telling us and guiding us to do, we can often times misinterpret what those messengers may be bringing us. If we are not listening to our hearts, we can fall into the same patterns.  Only we won't know we're doing it until it's done.  Again, sometimes this has to be part of the learning process.

My client looked at me at one point and said, "I know I'm supposed to listen to my heart.  The rational, logical part of me just won't let that happen."  I told her, until our hearts become our minds, nothing in life will change. It becomes the pattern of same old, same old.

I knew as she walked through my door she was wearing her brave face.  She talked about an extremely difficult period she just faced as her new relationship failed.  She continued to say, "Now that I've got my divorce papers signed, I feel on top of the world."  I wanted her to embrace that feeling, but I also wanted her to brace herself for what was to come.  In conversations over the last year I've told her you will have good days and bad days.  Feel it all.  Don't avoid any of those emotions.  It will be one of the most difficult things you will do, but in the end it will be one of the best things you can do for your Self.  

So I immediately saw her mask of bravery as she walked through my door.  It was a dizzying energy of a forced smile, racing thoughts and statements and a display shown by someone who wanted to just be happy.  She is in the search phase.  And I get it.  What I tried to convey to her even hours later was healing is healing.  It is a process.  It doesn't matter what it is we are healing from, it is all the same.  The most important part is to allow yourself the time to heal.  Everything and everyone else that doesn't serve that purpose is just a distraction.  The most important part of entering into any new relationship whether it be a friendship or romantic is being able to offer your whole Self.  Because if we're not bringing that to the table, we and the other person are getting the short end of the deal.

Our journey back to ourselves can be a long one.  It is our intention to get back that counts.  We will slip and fall, curl up and hold out.  But it is the intention of finding our hearts again and the meaning behind it all that matters.  We are all just doing our best.  We do what we know.  Once we accept the journey and let go of the exact out come, that is when the real work starts.  Miracles happen. 

We will yo-yo back and forth in our daily decisions.  We will have days of the highest highs followed by days of our lowest lows.  We don't have to pretend.  We only have to remember to love.  Love in the moment, love what is and love the lessons that life continues to bring. That is how we can always find our way.

Share with us your journey of Self discovery.  What obstacles have you faced?  How did you learn to shed your mask of bravery and get down to the heart of what matters?  Share with us, we would love to hear from you!

As always with love,


Email me at jfremionfw@gmail.com

©2013 Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.

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