Tuesday, September 24, 2013

All In

Change is the natural progression of 
each moment.
Challenge is the growth within the change.


Today marks another shift for me in my life.  Today is when I begin my yoga teacher training.  It has taken eight months to find the right school and the right group of people to connect with.  But I can say without a doubt, it was worth the wait and I can't help but reflect on the very journey that has brought me here.  I've prayed for months to bring teachers and friends into my life that will deepen my spiritual practice and open up my heart space even more.  Over the last few months, those prayers started to become my reality.  I feel the waves of life within me and all around me and I am all in, no matter how big the waves may become.

Four years ago, I started practicing yoga as a stress relief mechanism in attempt to resolve the excruciating pain of my divorce, but even more so my total loss of Self.  I would practice at night before bed because it was the only way I could quiet my mind for just a few hours in order to sleep.  Life was upside down.  Yoga and meditation were the tools that brought me right side up again.  

My search for Self started as I exited my marriage.  I have to say there was nothing pretty about my exit strategy.  I was flailing, living mistakes time and time again, and had lost my soul, my spirit for life.  I had no idea how to get back to myself.  It was in reflection of how I came to get lost in the first place, that began to show me the way.  My unraveling became the unraveling of long lost answers.

The practice of yoga led me to the practice of meditation. After yoga each night I would then go into guided meditations.  Often times falling asleep.  After about two years of practice I really wanted to know more.  So I used my nursing career as a spiritual experiment.  I took a job with hospice because I wanted to know God again. I had forgotten how it was I was to stay in touch. I don't know if I could ever find words to express how this job changed me.  The privilege of standing next to someone as they take their last breath is really indescribable. The relationships I formed with these patients changed my heart by cracking it open enough to let the light start to come in again.  As each of the relationships ended with the passing of their life, they allowed me little by little to come back to life myself.

I then worked in oncology and surgical trauma ICU.  These experiences allowed me to be of total service in helping others. Little did I know how much these patients and experiences would be helping me find my own way.  I saw people gripping and fighting for their own lives.  They are the very inspiration that got me to start fighting for my own life.  If it wasn't for the spiritual aspects of yoga and meditation, these experiences would have been quite different for me.  It was a set intention to be love, give love and accept love, that began to show me the way and ultimately clear my path for greatness.

I now have come to an oncology position that has brought me home in my nursing career.  Even before my interview took place I knew this was where I was meant to be. This position has allowed me to challenge myself professionally but still leaves room to grow personally.  It is now time to add another challenge.  This is where my yoga teacher training comes in.

I am able to understand the commitment of being all in.  When we are all in for life, life will be all in for us. In the last four years all of my commitments have come with great reward because I chose to take a risk and do what my heart was telling me. It wasn't easy in the beginning.  Coming to the understanding of how abundantly held we all are in our journey has allowed me to lead with faith instead of worry.  I now know that everything will be okay and to enjoy the process.  To look for each lesson that comes with each step forward.  Life is intended to be lived.  Yoga and meditation were the gifts given to me in my darkest moments that shined a light on all that needed to heal.  They have been stepping stones to a higher consciousness and purpose.  The proof that has led me from a life I had hoped existed, to a life that I now know exists.  

I don't know what exactly today will bring.  My intention is to stay committed.  Committed to becoming even more comfortable in my own discomfort.  To remember to breathe when things seem bigger than usual. To be open and willing to grow and expand beyond my own borders.  And to always remember to love.  Love the process, love the moment, love this life.  Just as it is.

How are you all in, in your own life?  Share with us, we would love to hear from you!

As always with love,


Email me at jfremionfw@gmail.com

©2013 Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.

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