Boundaries are the very thing
that gives focus and expectancy
of ourselves and of another.
Yes the B word that I am speaking of is boundaries.We expect the best out of ourselves or so we should, so why is it so easy sometimes to make exceptions for other people? Do you have someone or more than that someone in your life that every time you spend time with them, you feel like the life has been sucked out of you? They are negative, they exude vampirous blood every time they open their mouths to speak about another person or a situation and to be frank, they can be down right rude or even worse, they can be abusive.
Now we can't always choose every person we have in our working lives, but in our personal lives we have the opportunity to be a little more selective in who we spend our time with. I'm not saying we should be snobbish or that we should exile someone from our lives because they are in a slump. Absolutely not, that is when we should rise to the occasion and be of support. What I am suggesting is being careful with who we surround ourselves with on a regular basis. I am suggesting that in order to have a healthy balanced life, we cannot have unhealthy, unbalanced people as our support system. This ends up being a teeter totter relationship. Sometimes it's up, but most of the time the one who bears the most weight is down. And eventually it will be your turn to hit the ground because of them.
We typically look for the good in everyone. But at what cost? Is it really healthy to have someone in your life that constantly weighs you down? This is where boundaries come into play. Having a set of standards to gauge your relationships by creates a sense of value in yourself and your relationships. Questions like do I feel good or bad when I am around this person? Do they add joy or pain to my life? Do I get excited or want to run the other way when I see them? Do I feel uplifted with this person or do I feel beat down? These are awesome ways to look at our relationships because to be quite honest with you, the people we choose to hang around are a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves.
Think about it. If we feel good about ourselves are we ever going to set the expectation of another in our life as being this? I can't wait to hang out with so and so because they always make me feel like the life has been sucked out of me! No Way!! Now change this scenario to if we feel good about ourselves and have healthy expectations. I can't wait to hang out with so and so! We laugh so hard my stomach hurts for days! Even just reading each scenario gives two completely different emotions. At some point in time we have to realize that we take the hit emotionally for their negativity. What relationship is ever worth losing our spirit over? The answer is no relationship!
Boundaries of expectations are so important. They are a reminder to stay focused and centered in our relationships with both ourselves and the other person. We can't let ourselves fall into the well of negative emotions passed on from another. Let me tell you that well is a deep, dark hole and once we hit bottom we can have one heck of a time trying to climb back up.
We are contagious with our attitude, our actions and our lives. We should be that person that everyone looks at and says how do I get that happy and excited in my own life? We set the example for ourselves and who we surround ourselves with. The moment we let another take us down is the moment we lose our shine. And whether the other person is intentional or not in their actions, the end result is we have lost our own light. Without our own light we get lost in the darkness and we start walking against the grain in life.
If we set boundaries and stick to those boundaries, we can never stray against the life that was intended for us. Never allow someone to steal your shine. In fact, shine so brightly in life no one could think to impose their darkness onto your light.
What kind of boundaries do you have in your relationships? Have you ever strayed from them. What happened when you did? How did you get back on track? Share with us, we would love to hear from you!
As always with love,
Follow me on Twitter @jfremion.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with any questions or comments.
Copyright 2013. Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.
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