Thursday, July 18, 2013

Of Judge And Jury

To judge others, is to
deflect our own insecurities on to 
another person. And puts
a spotlight on our own secret pain.


I thought it imperative for me to write this article.  Last weekend I was invited to a party by a friend.  When I arrived I could feel a very strange energy.  The more people that arrived the more I became uncomfortable and I really wasn't sure why. I inevitably ended up leaving the party early because I just didn't feel right being there. The next day, I found out from this friend that there had been a blow up between her and another person at the party.  This friend was apparently over heard making a really horrendous and uncalled for projection to this other person at the party.  This tension had been building all day. After everything was said & done, I was simply picking up on the negative energy that was coming from my friend.  In essence, this incident ruined the party for all involved, including me and I left before it even happened.

This entire incident was so upsetting to me because as this friend was explaining what happened, she was also justifying her actions by using a previous situation that wasn't even involving the other individual.  This friend of mine became a bully at the party.  She became an instigator, trouble maker, and just a down right mean girl.  This is one of my biggest disdains in life is for another person to be hurt by words or actions carelessly made by another.  People should never be mistreated, but unfortunately this can be common practice.  

Now this was not the first time this person has been at the center of a giant storm created by the careless words that come out of her mouth during an angry rage.  Time will tell if this will be her last.  I didn't want to judge this friend of mine, although it was my initial reaction. But I didn't want to see her judgement through the eyes of judgment.  I wanted to see it through love, compassion and understanding that could bring her to a positive solution.  I know this person comes from a very dark and unhappy place due to many stories going back even to childhood of not feeling loved and feeling inferior. Which explains where the behavior is coming from, but ultimately doesn't excuse it.  Because those issues have been suppressed for so long, they tend to come out at the people who are closest to her.  Her biggest mistake was that she was willing to pass her own pain onto someone else.  Her other mistake, she was willing to misrepresent her own truth.

We all have a heart of gold.  But through the experiences and feelings we harbor inside throughout our lifetime, we can tend to misrepresent ourselves by expressing through anger, rage, hostility, passiveness, aggressiveness or whatever the misguided emotion may be.  If we are not coming from a loving place, then we have residual pain that is our problem to deal with not someone else's.  We can choose, and it is a choice, to walk through life being bitter and angry or being full of love.  Our attitudes, actions, words and energies express how much we have become connected to or are disconnected  from our golden hearts.

We have all made mistakes and have said or done the wrong thing in life.  We are human and this is allowed.  However, what is it that we have learned from these tests and lessons?  If we are learning, then the experience wasn't wasted.  But if we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again with complete disregard of how our actions are effecting others, then we are carelessly flailing through life and missing the entire point.  When we feel it is our right to avoid our own pain and become judge and jury onto others in order to deflect our own problems, we really need to self evaluate.

I have had many people in my life who suffer from severe anxiety.  They are so unsettled in who they are and that tension and discomfort begins to build within them.  It doesn't matter who is in the line of fire because they become so frayed with the discomfort of that emotion they have to find a release.  Often times, that release is directed to the people closest to them because they are pretty positive that after the dust settles, they will be forgiven.  However, after a period of time, these relationships begin to suffer.  Is it worth expressing your pain in a volatile way in order to get the release needed from this stormy emotion raging inside of you?  The answer of course is no.  This is a mechanism for destruction.  And over time, you will deconstruct anything good in your own life.

As I talked my friend through this experience, I wanted her to know that she needed to find acceptance within herself.  And this judgement was placed on her own back by her own insecurities. Sometimes we hit our heads against the same brick wall a few times before we make a crack big enough to let some light in.  It is the people who are hurting the most in life that often times will try to put up a tough front that everything is fine and they've got things under control.  When in fact their internal world is so out of control, everything is falling apart at the seams.  This is the time to let some light into the darkness and work to get back to that golden state of mind.

I believe in change.  And I know we are all capable of it.  If we are capable of straying away from our golden hearts, then we are capable of doing the work to come back home to them. The question is, how bad do you want it?  The reason doubt of change exists, is because we have yet to prove to ourselves and others that we can be consistent and persistent in our venture for betterment.  The words "I'm Sorry" are only the introduction.  Your actions of dependability of love is the solution itself.

Be careful and cautious of who you are hanging around with.  If you are finding companionship within a group that gathers and tears down other people, reevaluate those relationships.  Don't for a second think that when you get up and leave the room, those people that you call friends, aren't judging everything about you when you're not around.  As we learned from a young age, treat people how we want to be treated.  And if you don't have anything nice to say, not only don't say it, but evaluate why it is you are spreading pain and hurt in your world.  Where did all of your love go?

When we become brave enough to show the world our truth, we become brave enough to start living.  Everything else, is a lie that will continue to bring heartache and disappointment to every situation. Lies are darkness and within them we recede.  Truth is the light in which we come out of our own darkness, and can see and be seen with the utmost clarity.

What have you learned about judging or being judged?  Share with us, we would love to hear from you!

As always with love,


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