Sunday, June 16, 2013

The Gravity Of Hurt

Happiness is weightless.
Pain can be the sum of all gravity
placed on your shoulders and in your heart.
Choose wisely as to what it is you 
wish to carry with you.


I talk with a lot of people who go through life carrying on the pain of life's experiences. They carry around the anger, heartache and disappointment as if the intial pain strikes their heart again and again.  They are upset and in a sense become lost within the pain itself. They want to numb, supress, or disguise the pain.  They will do anything they can to not feel the actual hurt. It is impossible in life to avoid pain.  Pain is a natural state of suffering we receive.  There is necessary pain and there is unnecessary pain. There is intentional hurt and unintentional hurt.  It is a natural state that seems in society today to be prevalent in all facets of life.  What we have begun to do in society is welcome in the pain however shy away from feeling it. We have in a sense become a numbing society.  One of which we feel we don't really have to feel pain and hurt if we don't want to.  Again pain is a natural state of life.  It belongs to us.  The question is, how do we deal with it in a healthy way and how can we not carry painful experiences with us that will create unnecessary pain into our future.

To hurt or not to hurt? That is the question.  To be hurt is something that we all have felt.  We have all felt the disappointment of expecting someone to be something they are not or couldn't be to us.  So what can we do to exacerbate a hurt instead of accepting it and walking away with the hidden lesson of the experience?  We try to bulldoze the outcome and change it into what we want or wish it to be.  We check out of life because we become so busy manipulating a solution so we can be right instead of understanding that it was not meant to carry on any further in our life.  This is unnecessary pain.  We are investing in the wrong investment in life with this scenario.  Everyone has their part in our lives just as we do in their's.  What ever happened to acceptance of what is instead of trying to make what is into what we want?  Have we become so spoiled in having the ability to have a quick fire result in our lives that we can't accept being told no?

The pain of hurt is lasting.  It will be with us for a lifetime only because we are to remember it so it doesn't replay itself like a broken record.  Especially with unnecessary pain.  Sometimes we can learn the first time around but often times it takes a few blows to the head before we begin to see a pattern and how that pattern isn't exactly working for our greater benefit.

To hurt is something that we have all done.  We are human and this is an unavoidable process in life.  Sometimes it is unintentional and other times sadly, it can be intentional.  I have had a lot of people in my life intentionally hurt others including hurting me.  It is devastating when it happens. An example of an intentional hurt is being in an argument and feeling like you want to get that last dig into the other person to really invade their heart space.  Or you could be having a bad day and misdirect the anger and frustration onto someone you care deeply about.  The end result of that, a bruised heart for both parties.  You feel the guilt of the pain you have ensued on the other person and that person received an unnecessary blow from your end. What I realized in relationships is I have watched people hurt others around me but it wasn't until it was directed to me that I felt the ugly effect it had on my own heart.  Why didn't I see it coming?  Did I think that I was some sort of exception to their rule of pain?  I carried this burden of hurt for a greater part of my life.  After learning about my own patterns of diservice to myself, I realized the need to opt out of these certain relationships.  I also came to realize that my part in it was that I was allowing it to happen to me but the pain itself was the other person's pain all along not mine.  I came to realize that when people hurt you, it is because they themselves are hurting.  The scariest part about it is they don't even realize they are doing it much of the time.  This is an example of unintentional hurt.  When our pain is brimming over and we don't realize how toxic it can be to ourselves and the people we love the most.

So what is necessary pain?  It is the end result of love.  We all know the saying all good things must come to an end.  Well necessary pain is losing a close relationship, losing a loved one to death, it is losing anything or anyone that is nestled closely to your heart.  This is a necessary part of life.  We must love in life to really lose.  I know in my life I would not give up a second of time I share with the people I love.  I understand that the greater I love the greater the hurt at its loss.  And that is okay. I would much rather love greatly in everything and to everyone. That comes with a risk.  But the risk of hurt is worth it tenfold when the benefit is love.  There is never a right time for loss.  There is no pill that can take this pain away.  There are no words to take this hurt away.  This hurt will burden our hearts and only time can make it tolerable but the hurt of the loss, never leaves.  The reward to this pain is the lifetime of love experienced.  And as great as the pain is, the love envelopes its arms around the hurt and around you because that is so much stronger than anything else in this world.  That is why it is so important to love so greatly.  Love so big because this pain will be there eventually.  But the time you have to share this love will outweight the gravity of any pain in the end.

We are left with an accumulation of intentional and unintentional circumstances of hurt so now what?  We will have them with us always.  The next step is to forgive.  Forgive the other person and forgive yourself.  After all, we are all human trying to unravel the mysteries of each experience of this life.  Forgiveness is the key to unlock the door to any grievance and wave your hand at it as you say goodbye.  Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to accept the unacceptable.  It simply means you are not going to be held down by the gravity of hurt it places on your shoulders and in your heart.  It means you have come to terms with the lessons hidden within the experience.  It means that you will carry the hurt with you only as a reminder that you don't want to and don't need that lesson again.  It means you have now risen above the experience.  That your heart has been catapulted into being able to love more greatly and graciously because you know what it is to be in the space of hurt and all of its lack luster.  It means that the lessons of letting go have now allowed you to become weightless and unburdened again and have prepared you to accept and learn from any circumstances that come your way.

Where have you been hurt in your own life?  What were the hidden lessons found within the pain? Share with us we would love to hear from you!

As always with love,


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©2013. Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.

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