Friday, June 21, 2013

The Mess up

It is human to fall.
It is what we learn while getting back up
that brings the richness of a lesson to life.


We can tie ourselves down so easily when it comes to making decisions.  Crossroads I hope, we will all realize some day is an exciting adventure, not something to make a circus of.  I was having a conversation with a friend over dinner last night.  We were talking about making decisions and decisions we both have made in our lives that led to great experiences and others well, left us wondering what we were thinking.

I've learned over the last few years that my entire life I have suffered from the dis-ease of worry.  I worried about how every little detail was going to work out in my life.  And if I saw it heading for the opposite outcome of what I wanted, I would try to bully the situation into making it what I wanted.  The big lesson in that is, that approach never works.  And at the end of it all I would be so exhausted, so mad and so upset, all because life didn't happen the way I wanted it too.  I felt like I was always going against the grain in everything I did.  And that is exactly what I was doing.

This was an ongoing merry-go-round of misguiding myself in every which way.  My life was a revolving door of disappointment after disappointment.  I would say to myself, "I'm such a good person why does this keep happening?  What am I doing wrong?"  Finally I wanted to get to the bottom of what exactly I was doing wrong.  Because living like this, was nuts!

I call it spinning. When we replay things over and over again in our heads.  What if I do this and this happens?  What if I don't do this and this happens? We can actually worry so much that we burn out our brain's circuit for rationalizing anything and we inevitably make a decision that didn't serve our greater purpose.  And I know a lot of people who do this especially when they are in the midst of trying to figure out a problem. One of those people used to be me. Have you ever noticed how absolutely irrational someone can be as they are trying to rationalize a situation for themselves?  

The truth is we all mess up in life.  It is part of figuring out how to live and how to live our best life now.  Believe me I graduated from The School of Hard Knocks.  Not only did I graduate with flying colors, I was valedictorian.  I learned through the better part of my childhood how to worry myself sick through any situation. This habitual practice carried itself well into my adulthood.  It only took countless disappointments, a divorce, and my entire world turning upside down for me to finally say, "I don't quite think this way of life working out for me."  I messed up.  But over the last year especially, I have retrained my brain to think, react and act differently.

I have read more books in the last year than I ever thought imaginable.  I began to deepen my practice of meditation and yoga.  I became not just a student of teaching, skin care, or nursing all of which I have formal degrees in.  I became a student of life.  I wanted to know why things happen and how to turn unnecessary habits into necessary habits.  I wanted to live big and live the best life possible.  And I have and continue to learn everyday through living how to do just that. 

I wish for everyone to reach this space and beyond.  Where challenges in life are looked at as opportunity for growth not punishment.  Where people no matter what demeanor, are looked at as teachers who come into our life to teach us something about ourselves not just the other person.  Where living full of heart translates into living life to its fullest.  We are going to mess up. Sometimes big sometimes small.  Life doesn't come without fail.  In fact failing should be a welcomed part of life.  It makes us stronger and the love for what we want even more powerful. And we remember those fails in order to not repeat them in our future somewhere.

There is no mess up big enough to mess up our lives completely.  The key is to look for the light in any decision.  What does your intuition tell you?  How would you want to be treated if you were on the receiving end of the decision?  Is this decision one you can live with or will you have regret?  How is your decision working toward not only your benefit but the benefit to the other's directly effected by it? 

The best decision we can make when making a decision is to not bombard ourselves with other people's opinions.  Only you know all the details to put two and two together to get the correct answer.  We're not perfect with this process but we sure know how to make it much more difficult than it needs to be sometimes. So the easiest way to not mess up as big or to not mess up at all, is to allow yourself the time to take the ride of the emotion out of the decision making.  Clear all channels so the best answer can come your way.  However you can find stillness in your life find it, go to it.  This is the space where the answers lay waiting for you to hear what they have to say.  And what they have to say is the truth of your being, of your core, of your experience.  This is where the answers to life come to life.

Where do you go to find stillness?  How does stillness change your situation for the better?  Share with us, we would love to hear from you!

As always with love,


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©2013. Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.

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